Dropping every opinion and thoughts. Even mine
Holding no opinion + practice in letting go of every held opinion
Have you ever heard of the story of the Empty Boat? Ah! If you’ve not, I can bet that it will stick with you for the same reason that I now frequently reflect on this— it’s one of those stories that quietly settles into your thoughts and keeps surfacing at the right moments.
So, a man is rowing across a river when he notices another boat drifting toward him. The boat probably got untethered and floated to the middle of the river. But now it’s on a direct collision course. But the boat is empty, so even though this man is prone to fits of anger, he remains calm—there’s no one to blame.
Now, in a different scenario, this man notices this boat isn’t empty, there’s someone in it. So he calls out to them to steer clear, but they don’t respond. Frustration builds, and after a second and third shout, his anger boils over. He lashes out, hurling insults.
In these two scenarios what changed? The presence of another person made all the difference. It would seem clear that the anger wasn’t about the situation, but about the involvement of another’s perceived intention, carelessness, foolishness etc.
This story is credited to Chuang-Tzu(~362 BC) and while there are different versions, translations and additions to this story, here’s one of the best versions I’ve read from The Way of Chuang Tzu:
If a man crosses a river
and an empty boat collides with his own skiff,
Even though he be bad tempered man
He will not become very angry.
But if he sees a man in the boat,
He will shout at him to steer clear.
If the shout is not heard, he will shout again, and yet again, and begin cursing.
And all because someone is in the boat.
Yet if the boat were empty,
He would not be shouting, and not angry.
If you can empty your own boat
Crossing the river of the world,
No one will oppose you,
No one will seek to harm you.
Tell me you’ve not noticed the latter part of this where he goes further to say you empty your own boat! No, he didn’t just say to assume the other’s boat is empty. That would have been a beautiful thought. But here he says Empty your own boat!! It’s a radical way to view this story!
Now let’s bring this story to one aspect of relating— holding opinions, asserting opinions, taking other people’s opinions seriously, disagreeing with opinions. How can we shine the light of awareness on the structure of opinions to allow us realize more freedom in our relationships?
I used to be the kind of person who held onto my opinions as if they were absolutes, unwilling to loosen my grip or reconsider them. Whether it was something as trivial as how wrong pineapple on pizza is (and yes, I’ll still defend that position with vigor), or more serious matters like politics, religion, or social issues, my stance was firm. I would enter discussions with an eagerness to assert my views, and if someone disagreed, the conversation quickly escalated into a full-blown argument.
My opinions felt like immovable truths, solid and unassailable. In my mind, they were the result of careful thought, refined through logic, experience, and morality. Anyone who opposed them? Sloppy. Ignorant. It wasn’t just that we disagreed—I was convinced they were fundamentally wrong, and it felt almost personal. After heated exchanges, I would leave conversations with my heart racing, sometimes feeling an intense emotional charge that lingered long after the debate ended. I couldn’t shake the frustration, the feeling of being misunderstood, or worse—disrespected.
At one point, I even drew a mental line in the sand, blocking out an entire group of people from engaging with me on certain topics. These were people whose views I deemed too misguided to bother with. I thought, why waste energy on debates with those who clearly couldn’t grasp what I saw as basic truths? I became more selective about who I talked to, and increasingly rigid in my own perspective.
It wasn’t until I had this sudden realization that opinions are, at their core, just thoughts! Thoughts! Vocalized thoughts! Do you know the significance of that? Oh, things began to shift for me. What exactly are opinions if not thoughts that we hold onto tightly, sometimes fiercely, believing them to be extensions of ourselves? Where do these opinions come from? Why do we feel the need to defend them so strongly? Are they not merely products of the thoughts we accumulate over time, influenced by the world around us?
When I started to consider these questions, it became clear that opinions often times don’t even arise in a vacuum. They’re not these pure, original creations of our minds but are often shaped and molded by environmental forces. These forces can include everything from the books we read and the media we consume to the stories passed down through conversations with others. And as these thoughts circulate within the fabrics of society, they evolve, taking on different forms depending on who receives them and how they’re interpreted. Isn’t this just exciting to see how fluid(and not solid) every single opinion is? They just float in the air as thoughts vocalized on an idea that’s taken to be a bit true. What we hold as truth may have started as something completely different, but through layers of interpretation, bias, and misunderstanding, it becomes something else entirely.
Ah! Isn’t it obvious that opinions are fragile constructions, shaped by countless interactions, influences, and interpretations, vulnerable to the same distortions that plague any chain of communication? So what do we do with them? What do we do with yours? What do we do with mine?
What if we took every single opinion and honored them. Doesn’t matter which one. We honor them because they journeyed to us. But in honoring them, we do not hold on to them. None at all. Instead, we let them go their merry way. For at a time, they came to hold a mirror to us, showing us who we assumed ourselves to be. They came to show us the impermanence of all things. Through that recognition of impermanence, we soon learn that even the strongest opinion held still changes. No opinion holds forever.
Like in the Chuang Tzu story, we can even attempt to see that other people are empty boats, their opinions not grounded in anything truly solid. And also like Chuang Tzu’s story, emptying your own boat, being free from the weight of believing there is truth in speech or thought. Speech and thought can point to truth but in themselves have no truth in them.
In emptying your own boat, in throwing everything out until nothing is left, not even you, you won’t have to worry about other boats, not because boats won’t collide, but because others won’t exist. And so no you, no other and therefore no problem.
The rest of the the Empty Boat narrative continues in Thomas Merton’s The Way of Chuang Tzu :
Who can free himself from achievement
And from fame, descend and be lost
Amid the masses of men?
He will flow like Tao, unseen,
He will go about like Life itself
With no name and no home.
Simple is he, without distinction.
To all appearances he is a fool.
His steps leave no trace. He has no power.
He … has no reputation.
Since he judges no one
No one judges him.
Such is the perfect man:
His boat is empty.
For Contemplative Practice
Close your eyes and imagine yourself in a boat on a calm river. You’re rowing along peacefully when another boat drifts toward you. At first, it’s empty, and you smile, letting it pass by without a second thought. Now imagine someone is in that boat, holding a sign with an opinion you strongly disagree with. What changes? Notice how your body reacts, how your mind tightens around this idea. Now ask yourself: What if, just like the empty boat, this opinion had no real power over you? What if all opinions, including your own, are like drifting boats—passing by, uncaused, and insignificant? Can you simply let them float by without attaching any weight to them?
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